Chemo is Coming for Me

Another Thursday of labs, a doctor visit, and chemo has come to pass. I was extremely borderline based on both lab results and what all I had told her about the past week, but I did receive chemo and both kinds. My revised Week 9 is in the books.

My medical oncologist (chemo doctor) and I had a long chat. Essentially she feels that because I have received so much chemo in my lifetime, that that cumulative effect is also happening. It is already a hard regime without all that history. There is no reason to think it is going to get any easier and every reason to think it will continue to get harder. From her perspecive we can work on treating all the symptoms I am having, such as nausea, vomiting, diarhea, back/flank pain, spine pain, body aches, fevers, low blood pressures, high heart rate, difficulty ambulating, nose bleeds, and a some others so far. But there is little to do to fix these problems as they are a direct result of the chemo drugs. So whack-a-mole it is.

Finally she asked me if I can do it. Yes, I can. Yes, I will, No, I don't want to. She recommended surrendering to the process and accepting that is likely to be pretty bad from here on out. I was always hopeful there would be good days but it's time to let that go and just be surprised and thankful if and when those types of days, or hours, arise. It's clearly time for a mindset and attitude shift.

This past week was pretty bad. But it's time to dig deep and forge through. It's temporary. Temporary. And this too shall pass, right?

I did also ask her at what point does she on her end decide to discontinue the chemo. Her answer was when it becomes unsafe. When I can no longer tolerate it. But I am not too sure what that even means.

Onwards we go. Please pray for me, especially on Thursdays (but next week on Wednesday), on chemo days. Please pray that is remains safe to continue the chemo sessions and for me to do ok with symptom management. Again, odd to be so desperate for someone to poison you. But then again, I really want to live and/or buy some time. So I need this.

The highlight of my day was Milo the therapy dog's visit. He can work wonders!