Is There A Week 9?

It's been quite a week. I've been hospitalized and I've been discharged. Later today (it's 12:45 am as I write) I will learn what's next in my cancer treatment. And I am nervous.

It's technically Week 9 and I've already had revision or omission of a third of my scheduled chemo treatments.

I had two Granix shots last week on Thursday and Friday. Saturday landed me in the hospital. I went due to extremely low blood pressure. And then my blood counts were discovered and oh boy, did it get worse from there.

Long story short, I was told that it was likely that I now had leukemia again. Knowing what it would mean if that happened, I cried. John Paul cried. The doctor was consoling us. I asked for a few minutes alone and I sobbed. And I could hear John Paul in the hallway sobbing. It was absolutely crushing.

Jump forward a few days and leukemia is no longer suspected. Lab tests were repeated and double checked by the pathologist. I thank God for sparing me. Nonetheless, I had some pretty scary counts that were trending in the wrong direction. A hunt for an explanation ensued. Guess what? No answers. But the counts made a turn around and began moving the right direction. And here I am.

My fear is that after labs this morning and when I see my medical oncologist that I will be told that I can't do chemo. Strange, isn't it, that I am begging to be able to do it. But I worry that my bone marrow is just not doing well with it and it will be ended. What would that mean for me? How would that change my outcome?

Anyways, I will learn soon enough what the next steps are. I pray that all this worry is for nothing. But if you read this, please say a prayer. I am feeling a bit scared.

Finally, my friend was buried last Friday. If you say a prayer for me, or send good vibes or energy or whatever works for you, please consider the same for his family. May God grant him eternal peace.