Round 7 and I'm Frustrated

Yesterday was the beginning of my second chemo "trimester". Round 7 already. Unfortunately my counts were even worse this week than last. And this is despite the two Granix (boosts white blood cell counts) injections during the past week. My chemo oncologist again considered doing no chemo at all this week. But this leads to an interesting phenomenon.....

I actually want the chemo. I literally got some anxiety when she suggested foregoing chemo this week. What am I doing if I don't keep moving forward to my goal? Will this only prolong treatment by adding the treatments onto the end? Will it affect my eventual outcome? Please, please, please give me the chemo......A very odd place to be.

So, again, I only received all the pre-meds, the Taxol (chemo), and iv fluids. Apparently the Taxol is less damaging to one's counts than the carboplatin. I still worry that it's not enough. I really want both so I know I am doing all possible to fight this nasty disease.I am holding out hope that doing only the one, plus a Granix injection, will have me ready to go for next week. Kinda crazy.....

My ENT appointment was suddenly moved up with a doctor to doctor call. Originally I could not get an appointment for 6 weeks. This worked in two days! I am so very grateful because having 10-15 nosebleeds a day is a bit much. Both nostrils were cauterized with a more extensive job done on my right. It was very uncomfortable after the lidocaine wore off. But since then I've only had one nosebleed! I am very hopeful that this will do the trick. Drawbacks are running mucous and not being to blow my nose. But I'll take it!

I have also made the rounds this week to a couple of other specialties. I find that doctor visits have become a social outlet as well. Rather sad. I do cheat and run a few errands here and there if I have a window of feeling ok. I also have gotten out to eat a couple of times over the last few weeks. It feels so good to feel normal!

Here I am in the Chemo Suite, ready for 1/2 of Round 7.......I have been blessed to always have someone accompany me for chemo. John Paul attended with me again yesterday. We are working on a proposal for improvements that could be made. Chemo Keno, anyone? Bingo? They will be so glad when I am finally done and go away!