Silence

It's been a few days since my last post. There are a number of reasons why, none of which I am totally ready to write in detail about.I am realizing many of the changes in my life and the number of things I do not have control over. The holiday weekend also left me in no man's land in that nothing really progressed medically. It's given me a pause to really think.

This reality scares me. I do not like not being able to talk care of myself, let alone my family or run my house. I do not like asking for help for some of the most basic needs. I do not like the frustration of others not meeting my expectations, whether I have clearly communicated them or not. I do not like not having a firm treatment plan.

I feel in limbo. The pathology report is in. I am waiting on my medical team's interpretation. I do not like waiting. I do not like not knowing. I do not like "this".

I have thought about so many things the past few days. It's overwhelming. But the blessing has been the amazing support and help I have received from so many! Thank you to all of you who have brought meals, come to visit, sent flowers or gifts, written cards, transported me to appointments, and listened to my endless babble. You all have have made a huge difference.

So my silence has been more a result of there being too much in my head to sort out and put into written word. I hope you all have had a wonderful long holiday weekend. God bless America!