Silence Is Golden

Hello! It's been awhile. The silence is golden, meaning all is relatively good. I continue to recover and continue to improve, although some days I don't feel it or see it. But it's there and it's real. My biggest obstacles at this point are fatigue, bad lab results, and myself.

But not hearing from me is a good thing. Nothing huge or catastrophic is going on. I tried getting away from doctors and tests and cancer but they followed me....... I continue to have multiple appointments each week or some test or something related to my health. I have concluded there is no escaping. At least not until I am far enough out that I could literally just say "no". My choice, I suppose.

I do owe you an apology. My silence has caused unnecessary concern for many of you. Thank you for reaching out to check in on me. In the past my lack of writing has signaled a problem. It is a change to think it means all is okay.

It also means I have been able to enjoy some living! I took a trip, a writing trip, and had some great times while away. Some very special friends flew in to join me for dinner! And some other very special friends flew in to check on me and make sure I had some fun. I love you!

What's next? I found out that the special blood test is actaully invalid due to my transplant. I don't truly understand the details but suffice it to say that the hoped for information is unavailable. Lab results indicate some not so great numbers. I am waiting for my doctors to decide how to proceed based upon those results. Hopefully they indicate that I am just slow in recovering in those areas as opposed to not going to recover. I saw the surgeon for follow up this past week and all is proceeding normally. The pain and tightness is common and I now will do physical therapy to hopefully reduce that and regain better range of motion in the right arm.

I could bore you talking about it all. Truly. And I apologize!

This coming week is a storm of appointments and tests. The big scan is this week. I am not nervous. However, with that said, I do not feel at peace. I am truly hoping that it is fear rather than premonition. Time will tell.

On a personal note, I want to share that I have started writing a book! This is very exciting and overwhelming and fun and cathartic and draining, often all at the same time. Thank you to so many of you who have encouraged me, some over the course of many years, to take this step. I am not sure what exactly I will end up with but I am giving it a go. If so inclined, please pray for guidance as I work on this new endeavor.

Finally, I want to remind you that we don't always win our battles. Sometimes, no matter what lengths we go to in order to survive, we don't. The fight may be valiant. It may be fierce. But sometimes cancer simply robs us. It is tragic and heartbreaking. My thoughts and prayers lie with so many who didn't get the win. Rest in peace, M.